That Letter

Dear Husband

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today. That was the last straw for me.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had got my hair and nails done, cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes. Then you went straight to sleep after watching the game on television.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating with another woman or you don't love me anymore. Whichever is the case, I'm gone.

Signed: Your Ex-Wife



P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your friend Carl and I are moving away to West California together! Have a great life!



**************

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watched so much sport on television to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad it didn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all your hair last week. The first thing that came to mind was, "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say something nice. When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused with my Friend Carl, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my friend had just borrowed $50 from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had won the lotto for $10 million, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to the Bahamas. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you now have the fulfilling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said because of the letter that you wrote to me, you won't get another cent from me. So take care.

Signed: Rich as Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my friend, was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.